This week I began a new journey, one that frankly scares the tar out of me, which may be good, now maybe my blood will flow freely! My beloved hubby and I are feeling the direction to work towards publishing the devotional teachings, we are not sure how or where or when, but we are preparing. In this preparation a dear friend has generously accepted to use her geeky grammar skills and begin editing. Upon the return of a few of the devotionals, all I saw was red. So many changes. I obviously do not know when to use a comma and I am WAY to excited with so many exclamation marks!!! My first thought was, “WHAT AM I THINKING… I shouldnt be writing!” I felt completely defeated, unqualified and was immediately terrorized by joy stealing, self esteem destroying and assignment killing thoughts. We all know where those thoughts came from!
Soon I was reminded again of Who calls me, Who fills my heart with joy, Who opens my mind to understanding and grants me the creativity to paint pictures with words. And why I am to write. So, this gal can’t get her grammar ducks to line up in a row, but I know beyond the shadow of all doubt I am called to be a teacher of His word and use the passion He put in my heart. In this moment of doubt and uncertainty I found I am not alone. Of course you are going to get bible study in this confession of doubt and renewal!
The Lord calls to Gideon “The Lord is with you, mighty warrior.” Telling him, “Go in the strength you have and save Israel out of Midian’s hand…” You know, those folks that have been terrorizing you for some time, taking all your livestock, messing up your crops and forced you to run to caves and hide. Yup, them. I LOVE Gideon’s response, just a guy going about his business, then this! So honest, so explaining, so TERRIFIED. “But Sir… How can I, my clan is the weakest in Manasseh, and I am the least in my family.” (Judges 6:13,15) I kinda hear him in a strong Brooklyn accent, seeing his hands flailing about.
We all have “But Sir” moments, don’t we? Moments when God asks something of us, moments when we need to do or be something that is beyond us. In our calling we feel weak, insignificant and definitely not qualified. We look at our weapons and they seem dinky and dull. Oh, God’s response is SO valuable, to Gideon He says, “I will be with you and you will strike down all the Midianites together.”
Moses, the man we see in our minds eye, standing strong with a staff lifted high over his head as he shouts with authority, “Let my people go!” He too had a “But Sir!” moment. You would think as he stood near the bush that seems to self combust into flames he would immediately be convinced. God tells him after 400+ years of His children bound in slavery, “So now, go. I am sending you.” God was sending him to Pharaoh to demand the Israelites come out of Egypt. Moses does the panic response, “Suppose they ask who sent me, what if they don’t believe me and by-golly I don’t even speak very good, I tend to studd-der and stt-tammer. God’s response is the same, “I will be with you.” ( Ex. 3 & 4)
Beloved it is the same with us, we all have a unique calling or assignment from God. Yes, we really are not qualified in the sense that in all we do, not of ourselves, we do because of God. He works in and through us, we too experience the ‘But Sir’ response from God, “I will be with you.”
King David writes, “The Lord directs the steps of the godly. He delights in every detail of their lives.” Ps. 37:23 David is known to have written this in his old age, as he looks back over the triumphs and even his failures, he acknowledges his God was there in it and through it, every detail of his life. In the moments of “I am to do this!” And the moments of uncertainty.
As my editor friend Gloria stated, we all have gifting, she has an eye for grammar and I can unpack the God stuff. As we all work in our assignments, we over lap – touching each other, THAT is what makes the Kingdom so great! Perhaps you too feel a bit under qualified, rather scared and defeated, you are even doubting what you feel God called you to, please join me, as we turn our ‘But Sir’ into ‘I will be with you and you will…”
In Him DeDe (“Let us consider how we may spur one another on towards love & good deeds.” – Heb. 10:24)